My Spouse Just Asked for a Divorce: What Now?

woman upset

Whether you were completely blindsided or you had suspicions that your spouse wanted a divorce, hearing the news for the first time isn’t easy. While you are likely experiencing a variety of emotions, you need to take a moment and step back and breathe. It might not feel like it right now, but you will be okay.

Prepare Yourself Emotionally

After you initially hear that your spouse wants to split up, you will want to give yourself time to process how you are feeling. After the shock has worn off, you can begin to think more clearly about how you want to move forward. If you don’t want to get a divorce, you will need to speak openly and calmly with your spouse about other options for improving the relationship. However, you will need to be prepared for what to do if they are not interested in fixing your marriage.

If divorce is likely where things are headed, you will need to prepare yourself emotionally in order to handle all of the big decisions that come with the divorce process. First recognize that there will likely be a period of grieving where you will feel a wide array of emotions like denial, anger, depression, and even acceptance.

It may be easier to focus on the negative aspects of getting a divorce, but accepting the truth is essential in helping you move forward. You need to really think about what you want in your future life right now.

Ask yourself the following:

  • Where do you see yourself in the future?
  • What will it take to get to where you want to be?
  • Who will you surround yourself with?
  • How will you take care of yourself in the meantime?

Understanding these things first will help you create a long-term plan with achievable goals.

Prepare Your Finances

Going from one household to two can destroy your finances, especially if you do not bring in the primary family income. The sooner you take control of your finances, the better off you will be in the future.

The first thing you should do is determine your expenses. You will want to start off by making a list of all of the bills you will be covering on your own after the divorce.

Expenses you might take on after a divorce could include:

  • Housing
  • Transportation
  • Utilities
  • Phone
  • Television
  • Internet
  • Clothing
  • Personal Items
  • Food
  • Debt payments

After you have determined what expenses you will need to take care of, you will need to identify your income to ensure you have enough money to cover necessary expenses. If not, how will you make up the difference? This might be done through another job, cutting back on certain expenses, or requesting alimony or child support payments. The sooner you know this, the quicker you will be able to create a plan that is in your best interests.

Preparing Your Children for a Divorce

Your kids are likely noticing that changes are occurring in your family. The key is not to share too much too soon. Remind them how important they are to you and reassure them that you will always be there for them, regardless of what happens between you and your spouse.

Do your best to get along with your ex in front of the kids. It might take some time to get on the same page, but ultimately, your mutual goal should be a successful co-parenting relationship. Your kids will spend time with both parents, so the more communication you have, the better. Lastly, remember that no matter what, you should keep your kids out of any divorce negotiations.

Know Your Legal Options

As soon as you know a divorce is imminent, it’s essential to surround yourself with a professional team that can support you through the process. At Eiges & Orgel, PLLC, our team of skilled New York divorce attorneys understand how difficult the divorce process is emotionally and legally. We are here to walk you through every step of the way to ensure your rights are protected and that you have the information you need to make sound decisions.

Call our team today at (347) 848-1850 to discuss your divorce case with our experienced attorneys.

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